New Years 2008... a little history

While I was figuring out where to begin this new blog I remembered an old post of mine that I wrote this past new years. It is old, but I want to share this because it touches on some things that a new missionary faces in the first year or so, it reflects back to New years 07 even.

As I now read this post 7 months later I see how things drastically change in my life still. This post was just a brief recall of the beginning to it all...

New years 08 DB blog: Well, it’s now 2008 and looking back on this past year of my life I am overwhelmed at all the ways the Lord has blessed me and used this year to form me. I spent only 3 short months of this past year in America. As I remember new years 2006/2007 in the Philippines last year, I can see myself as the same old Mallary in many ways, but in others ways I see a different person. Last year I was a person figuring out a job, a life, a calling, and a personal ministry. I was adapting still to living abroad and I can remember learning new things daily about the Filipino people I was living my life with. I remember making a conscious effort to be seen as an equal here, rather than an “Americana”. Looking back it was a whirlwind of a new life set in front of me that I started off seeing with blind eyes. Over the past year my eyes opened to the rest of the world and to America. I remember during this past year I could not look at a map of the world the same anymore. I wondered why America was so blessed and as I looked at the rest of the map and wondered about each individual life of the people there. The compassion that I thought I had before was still in me, only a thousand times over. Half way through this past year I was confronted with guilt and shame regarding my place in this world. I wondered why I have been given everything I had. I figured out how to be comfortable in my lot, even as I was surrounded by people who were not as fortunate as me in many ways. I learned a new sense of self confidence that in my eyes could only be had after feeling the shame of my self for having what others don’t have. To deserve something, anything, will never be the same in my eyes. Either I have not “deserved” my fortunate life, or everyone else in the third world countries “deserve” way more in life than they have gotten. In the year 2007 I have been able to become close to so many amazing people. These friends are some of the most accepting and caring people of my life. As I journeyed through friendships with them I was touched by many things, and also frustrated with many things. I had to confront the image that Filipinos held Americans to and I doubted many things because of my skin color. But through it all I hope to have evaluated it all enough to take the best parts of friendship I had known my life in America and insert the good qualities from here. Because of 2007 I now know the feeling of being a minority. I know the feeling of being loved or being hated just because of my skin. I’m sure I can give the survivors on fear factor a pretty good run for the million now! I have missed my friends, my family, food, a home of my own, snow, and holidays. I have also learned so much about love here. The word love, although its pronounced and spelled the same, does not always have the same meaning here. I have learned how a Filipino loves… “I love you no matter what you are” is a great saying that I hope never leaves me. God has been quite amazing in my life in so many ways, but His hand in allowing me to learn so much from this culture and the mission He has given me is crazy! This 2008 when I look back at the last year I see a year full of joy, struggles, and change. 2007 is in no doubt a life changing year for me. I will always remember this year and my experiences, knowledge, stupidity…. On and on it goes.